i'm sitting at home washing the laundry, enjoying the a/c and 90 degree weather; thus marks my last post for this blog. three postings is by no means faithful, but considering how thourough they were and how many people have read them, i'm sure this blog served its purpose.
i think if i could summarize what i haved learned from this experience into one general idea, i would have to say it was : understanding the leading of the Spirit. i think those of us who have grown up in the church oftentimes need an experience away from everything we've ever known in order to take that next drastic step of growth. at least, that's how it worked for me. through leaving everything i've ever known, i've understood everything i've ever tried to learn. i've had a few experiences like this at camp, as well. once you get away from everything that is a catalyst to you, your box, God begins to shift what you've learned about Him - and what you've learned from His Word - from your head...to your heart.
i have finally began to grasp God's voice. over this past year and certainly through the experience of this trip, one by one God has stripped away my fears to leave me vulnerably useful for His glory. my fear of judgement. my fear of being wrong, letting God down. my fear of not being where i'm "supposed to be." my fear of pride. my fear of the unkown. God has called each one out, separately, and worked me through them until they were no longer. then, He said it was time - time to start revealing why He created me. with all these fears stripped away, my comfort zone gone, i had nothing left. in this moment, God had every opportunity to work in whatever way he chose.
he started by sharing His heart. first, before this trip, it had become a heart for the ministries he desired my involvement in on campus: delta zeta, bsu, honors college. during the trip it became people. i know that sounds extremely vauge. i know how to love others and it's my personality to put others before myself more often than not. however, God proved to me that no matter where He sends me, how much it doesn't fit with my personality type or preference, or how naturally untalented i am at the tasks i'm asked to perform, He can give me His heart for the nations i am reaching.
i was so torn when i left. for the life of me, i will never understand why the wonderful people you meet in ministry are only able to be in your life for such a short time before they're gone forever as you are all lead to follow Christ in separate diretions. i will greatly miss my brothers and sisters i have left there (who will soon be leaving as well). even more so, i will greatly miss those who Christ is beginning to work in at the african friendship center, arabic friendship center, and upgrade camp. its' so bizzare to leave the work unfinished, but i guess we can't all be reapers in harvest.
God has successfully given me His heart for the nations. He has successfully stirred up a passion in my heart for those He yearns to know and have. i couldn't have more answered prayers; they are so bittersweet when you look at them in the here and now, but how wonderful they are when you realize God is keeping every request you have made to Him - that matches His heart - and is slowly but surely answering them all. you then realize that salvation is here. they that sow in tears shall reap in joy. he that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. it's only a matter of His timing. God will bless the ministry He has begun through urban impact and all its missionaries.
i'm excited to be back, excited to apply what i've learned and to follow God's leading into ministry both at my school and at kcbt. jr. high camp starts this monday, high school camp two weeks after that. i am so thankful for the opportunity to minister to these kids in one of the most spiritually receptive times in their lives. especially after all God has taught me and proved of Himself to me. i have so much to offer just through my experiences this summer. God has stripped me down to nothing. i am by no means perfect, but He has the most room to work through me now that He has ever had. i know He will be faithful to take hold of that opportunity. i can only pray with all my heart that i continue to grow forward and to understand where His Spirit is leading me. what an interesting journey i've finally begun, and i can't wait to see that journey continue (or begin!) in others.
the Lord doth build up jerusalem: he gathereth together the outcasts of israel. he healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. he telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names. great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.
sing unto the Lord with thanksgiving; sing praise upon the harp unto our God:
he giveth to the beast his food, and to the young ravens which cry. he delighteth not in the strength of the horse: he taketh not pleasure in the legs of a man. the Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy. praise the Lord, o jerusalem; praise thy God, o zion. for he hath strengthened the bars of thy gates; he hath blessed thy children within thee. he maketh peace in thy borders, and filleth thee with the finest of the wheat. he sendeth forth his commandment upon earth: his word runneth very swiftly.
he sendeth out his word, and melteth them:
praise ye the Lord.
oh. i stole as many pictures and possible and have uploaded all my own. haha. enjoy!
